This is one of those questions where there is no one answer fits all. Many single moms start dating whenever they are ready. I do believe there should be some time in between where you do not date and focus on self. For instance, if you have just ended a relationship recently, in my opinion, you should take time to care for yourself mentally as well as your children. Think about that. If your children were attached to your partner, I’m sure they may be hurting as well.
When you do decide to date again, enjoy the moments and don’t be in a rush. The next person you date may not be your life partner either so don’t put so much pressure on yourself or the situation. I can think of times I rushed things. Can you spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R?
One time in particular for me was when I started dating a divorced guy. Toward the end of his marriage, he hired a private investigator and found out his ex-wife had been dating another woman. Of course, he was crushed. So when I met him maybe a year or so after his divorce was final, he told me this information pretty early in the process. I asked him if he was ready to move on and if he felt he was healed of that heartbreak. He said yes. But what you have to do in cases like this is pay attention to their actions. He wasn’t healed and over the next few months, his brokenness would begin to show. So, my point is this – how could he love me if he still was hurting and broken from his prior marriage? Make sure actions match words.
I guess a better question single moms and others should ask is…
How do you know when you’re ready to date?
One huge sign is when you aren’t looking for someone else to make you happy. You know that happiness is a state of being. Putting that type of burden on another person is unfair and unrealistic. So don’t set yourself up for failure if you have this mindset.
Here’s what some of the experts have said about dating for you to think about:
“Dating is a process of discovery, getting to know yourself as much as it is getting to know the other. It’s wise to go slow, so you can see how your partner handles a variety of situations before you make a lifetime commitment. It usually takes a number of experiences before one learns enough about oneself and who might be a good fit for the long haul.” -Hara Estroff Marano of Psychology Today
“The goal of dating isn’t just to meet new people but also to understand yourself. Focusing on today means learning what drives, motivates, and interests you. You should ask yourself some questions. What are your negotiables and non-negotiables? How well do you communicate your feelings? Are you open-minded when your partner communicates their feelings?” -Renita Bryant via PaulCBrunson.com
“Dating with a purpose focuses on getting to know the core character of a person before deciding whether to pursue them seriously. Purposeful dating focuses on the desired end of a relationship versus the immediate, temporal fulfillment.” -Kenny Pugh of KennyPugh.com
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What advice do you have for single moms jumping back into the dating world?